EXHAUSTING WEEK

Oh, what a week I had this one. I should learn from hubby how to handle my temper. I did. I did to. It came back to me when it hit the right trigger. I haven't been so much in anger like what I'm having this week. At one point, my anger stopped instantly when hubby pondered to me; "I was like you, I was too angry till I felt that I was able to kill someone. I drove my car around the town aimlessly then I stopped at The Carmellite and prayed. After few minutes, everything has calmed down. Would you do the same?". I can't believe to hear what was uttered by him. I paused. I just said to him, "I feel like all my dreams are shattered. Betrayal is painful to bear. To make it worst, we're betrayed by our friend. I can lose control without you dear. Thank God I didn't do anything stupid on the internet..". I can't tell you what is happening but I know YOU, YOU know who YOU are, reading my blog everyday. This is my medium to express my feelings. YOU shattered my dreams. And you know what dreams are? I want to go for family vacation this coming school holidays, I want to attend my brother's convocation ceremony in October, I want all the missing days of last year's celebrations, my Christmas shopping, my New Year. I can put a stretch long of list here, and for my sufferings, I put all the blame on YOU. Ah, I need to see a psychiatrist, I guess. Everytime I think about it, I feel like punching the wall till I break my fingers. I can't hold the urge of my furiousity. Readers, don't push me to tell you what is the problem that bothers my brain, just sit and read.

In the office. I was once mocked as 'The Living Phone Book' by D.F. Why? Because I can memorize almost 22 hospitals fax and telephone numbers in my head. Almost. I still can't accept what D.O said to me this evening before 5:00 p.m. It was all started by a piece of letter. You see here, I'm working with a system. If you can't find the letter, the possibilities are; it could be with boss, maybe in his briefcase because his table is clear. So does my table. Before filing or distribute it out, it must be recorded, bastard!! So why can't you just wait for him to come back to office this weekend and stop , please stop labelling me as 'forgetful'!!!!!!!! If I am that bad, I won't score 90%++ in my annual ACR, and do you think that I bribed all the bosses to get the 'Outstanding Service Award' this year?????? You tell me. Pussies are bad when they become bosses. Do you think it's easy to SATISFY everyone's lust?????? Or am I trying too hard to please everyone??? You tell me. Oh God, please calm me down. Forgive my trespasses.... I had enough of all these.

I sound as if I am now having depression. I will eventually go crazy if I treat myself bad like this. Hey, what the heck and hell to y'all who hurt my feeling. I feel better now. I feel like baking butter cake tomorrow. Hey, I'm good already, .. I want to play PC games and will stay up late maybe.... Yayy!! I'm good, I'm fine, I'm positive. You know what? I'm serious.. I feel much better now. It's good to write sometimes. I can express everything, anything, anytime, anywhere. Where's tissue? OK. *Sniffs. Done. Sorry for being so emo. I need a hug and my teddy bear is waiting to hug me on the bed. I will hug him then I will continue my games. Thanks to my family members who support me and willing to hear my rants. I love you and you know who you are; at Yahoo Messenger, thanks a lot. Coki has a mission to accomplish, to be a Cowboy Girl and play Westward!

"Fly... fly away my sadness, and let happiness come to me to caress..."

... CokelatrawkZ ...